Frustrations of a dedicant
So I have been working hard on my essays and have some written this past week and posted. I feel OK about them initially, but may go back and make some revisions later on. My plan is to finish the essays on virtues, write short ones on a few extra virtues not listed in the Dedicant Handbook and finally, write a short summary comparing all the virtues I have chosen to write about and my perceived importance of those particular virtues in this chosen path. I hope to have this part of my studies completed within the next 10 days.
In addition to this, I have been working on my “home shrine”. I have chosen, as noted in another entry, to place this outdoors. I chose this for many reasons. I have the space for it out there, my “home” to me is defined as the Earth that directly surrounds my home, I have been blessed to have 28 acres of woods and fields to call mine and I am more comfortable outside than in. My peace, connection with all things spiritual, love for trees, nature, animals, etc. comes from being a part of it. It seemed only natural to me to place my “home” shrine in my “home” and that home is with my kindred spirits of Nature.
I have been fretting over particular Gods and Goddesses. I have also been reading the journals and writings of others, shrines dedicated to particular Deities and for some reason I allowed myself to feel pressured to “choose” the one(s) I desired to dedicate a shrine to. I actually allowed myself to become stressed over this. I buried myself in my studies, trying to find one that I felt was perfect for ME. I studied so many, asked so many questions, debated this one and that one….to the point of feeling as if I were drowning in Deities! They all began to run together and I felt more frustrated than I have since beginning this program.
Finally I decided I needed to chill! I went to my area and asked for guidance. I did not call upon this name or that name, I just ask the spirits of Nature that reside here with me in my HOME to help me figure out what to do. I had gotten to the point of feeling like I could not start putting my shrine together unless I decided on certain Gods or Goddesses to dedicate it to.
In reality this was nonsense. I was missing the whole point. I feel like a clueless idiot for allowing myself to get so confused and unfocused at this part of the program.
So my present decision is to start putting that shrine together this weekend while I am off work. I will make sure to cover the basics: the Fire, the Well, the Tree. It will be a place where the Powers will feel comfortable and free to enter when called upon, where they may obtain the offerings left for them, where I can enter the area and know that I have stepped into a sacred space that I may share with any number of Gods or Goddesses that choose to bless me with their presence. Eventually, in the future, there may be things added to this area to represent particular Gods and/or Goddesses, but for now…..it will be a sacred place, a home shrine where I will go in peace and seclusion for my daily devotionals and where Deity, Gods, Goddesses, Ancestors, Nature Spirits, etc. can come and go as they desire. I am more relaxed now and focused. I am grateful!
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fred_smith said:
“The Gods are difficult. Thats why I so often give them a wide berth. They’re also useful, which is why I am giving them a lot of thought this month.
I see my shrine as a physical manifestation of my spirituality and a place of meeting other things. Its very important to me, it usually has a few pictures of Gods on it. But it is not dedicated to a specific deity or paradigm.
Anyway, hello. Its really nice to meet you. Did you have any particular reason for adding me?”
I said:
“Actually yes I did have a reason…LOL
I was going through the journals of people who are members of the Dedicant Community. I came across yours and read it. I liked a lot of what I read and found myself going back into entries wanting to read more and more, so I figured….I’d add you so I can read as you write.
Thanks for the comment. I let myself get too worked up about this shrine thing and ended up losing focus on what it was to be for to begin with. I am glad I have stepped back and reorganized my thoughts on this.
So…nice to meet you as well!”
chronarchy said:
“Patience, of course, is a virtue we don’t talk a lot about. We probably should, of course.
Take your time with deity. There’s no rush: they’ll be there when you get there, and no one is going to take the last one.
Promise.
I’m glad you found it was nonsense, all that worry.”